Resolution Conclusion

The Christmas tree has yet to be packed away yet the new year is taking up space in my busy brain. 

I like (and still kinda dread) the newness of the starting year. I like to think of all the changes that will happen in those 365 days. I like to imagine how the next Valentines/Thanksgiving/Christmas will be and plan tons of things. 

On the other hand, I hate letting go, goodbyes, the end. I hate all the little cares that used to creep in. How this new year will turn, out what could I do differently than the finished year, how to make the most of a new start. The thought of what could change in a day is sometimes scary especially with having more and more to lose as the years pass. How's that for a downer?

So whatever. It's inevitable, right, but this new year there will be no letting go and no goodbyes because I'm ending on a high note. Change is already in progress and if I let go, I'll fall behind. I wont be making any resolutions. No list of ten or 20. I've done all that before and it all comes down to some very basic principals. 

I will always strive to be a better me, to better care of myself, to keep a house that is clutter-free, to make time for me. I will always want to be a better mother, daughter, sister. I will always want for better work, better than stable finances. Knowing that those are always close at heart, that I'll always work for a better level than the current one, I'm just not going to start the year with any added pressure this time. No need to put that in writing any more (though writing it down is half the fun for me) as if they're some "new" commandments. No need to think there is failure anywhere if the year passes and I'm not noticeably changed or some random goal wasn't met. I'd rather go into this new year with it being a continuation rather than a stop and start over. 

 I'm on to good things already and I just need the days laid out in front of me so I can take them and get on with it.

This year will end with me most likely shutting off the tv (I like to see the ball drop) and peeking at my sleeping boy, already late for that hour of sleep I know I'll want to get in before work. The new year will start with me taking said boy from his crib where he's learning (so hard!) to sleep and heading downstairs for the breakfast I've been trying not to skip. Just like any other day. 

I have some newness going on right now that I'll post on some other time. I've started dressing better thanks to giftcards and clothes for Christmas. I've found motivation to walk again, to run. Decorating ideas are popping left and right and I've just started acting on them. J's little man cave is coming along soon. His pinterest board is coming alive with ideas. Sleeping in his crib, turning a year old all have a good deal to do with it and there is that: turning a year old and the planning, the thoughts, the day to look forward to. 

Not really saying goodbye, I guess, but more of a thank you for the truly memorable moments and see you on the flip side, 2011.

Holiday Wrap-up

Our first Christmas, Saturday, went well.

J and I stayed in bed till noon, listened to Christmas music while we had our pancakes for lunch and chilled out with a few holiday movies playing in the background. I dressed him in his 12th present, gingerbread man PJs then we opened presents around 6PM and hung out till I went to work.

I ended up not just getting a small bonus check but also had a coworker get to work earlier and get some work done which took some of the work away from me letting me get home an hour earlier.
I used a half hour of that to get us prepped for our early morning drive. Much needed.

Christmas day, we got up late but still made it to our hometown in good time. We took J to my old church for their children's church program. He met the people that I grew up with which was nice. We got to my grandma's, snuck some food since we usually don't eat till after 3, and he got some private time in with his godfather.

After dinner came presents. J got a few new toys that he is in love with. His piano is among his favorites which is awesome since I was told to prepare for the wrapping paper to be his focus. His favorite holiday song is a Mariah Carrey song and I got an awesome video of his reaction when it comes on and also when you pause it. On the ride to our hometown, he was asleep and it came on the Christmas station. His eyes popped open and his hands started waving. Awesome. He had a blast with his toys and his cousin yesterday too.

I got clothes, house shoes, giftcards for house stuff, a steam mop and a portable vacuum for my car. Would you believe that my day was nearly made? I love this kind of stuff. House stuff, portable cleaning stuff, clothes stuff, shoes stuff. Yes, I was happy. When we got home, J took more steps and that made my day for sure.  From one a few days ago to a few yesterday. The boy is on the move.

We talked about grandpa a little bit and about how much of a shock it was that he had been fine at that morning but gone that night. We weren't told that he was as sick as he was. My heart hurt for my cousins but they're doing ok. Everyone is happy that this Christmas went well. Better than we expected. Much like last year, I'm hoping this next Christmas is even better than this one. Of course being the planner that I am, I'm bound to go overboard but you know what they say about reaching for the moon and failing and being among the stars, right? I can't really remember, lol, but hopefully you get my point. Awesomeness to come again next year.

So that was our holiday. Today I cleaned my floors, hung out in bed with my boy and ate leftovers. My new year is about to start and this week I have a buttload of cleaning and decluttering to do to get it started off right. I'm ready for the new year but thats another post for another day.

Low Key Holiday

Last year at this time we had a death in the family which led to a very low key, quiet holiday. This year I think we were all determined to not have a repeat as if we could all send up enough prayers to make it pass this season together. We wouldn't do it make it.  

On Monday night, my cousins lost their grandpa who was almost like a grandpa to me. My own grandfather died when I was a child over ten years ago. I have memories of him. Those fuzzy ones where you remember bits and pieces but nothing major. I can't even tell you what his voice sounds like. Just his smile. I remember so much more of this grandpa. Not a holiday went by that he wasn't over and going down the line of grandkids saying hello. Always smiling. Always kind, with light eyes and a little bit of wit thrown in. My aunt and I were talking about her thoughts mirrored mine. He was a grandpa to all of us cause really all of ours have already gone, been gone for so many years.  But now so is he. 

Again this year, we'll come together and no doubt think about him like we did our aunt last year. He lived 91 years, had so many grandkids, great grandkids, great-great grandkids. So much to celebrate. Tomorrow is his funeral and Sunday will be our first holiday without him. 

On the other side of this Christmas thing, all my gifts are bought. Or at least all that I will be buying right now. There is some wrapping to do, baking, organizing and finishing touches but that's for Christmas Eve so I can have things to do that will keep me in the house and away from the roads at least until the light show at night. I went out today to finish up and it was pandemonium, craziness. Not trying to go there again even though I'm contemplating a quick trip out tonight. 

Our Christmas here at home will be either Saturday night or very early Sunday morning since the majority of us in the house will be heading out not long after.  It's all ending, this Christmas stuff, and you know, I'm not too bummed about it now. I'm already cleaning up, decluttering and making plans for next year. It's going to be a good year come January but first we'll have a good Christmas. 

I'm a loser (mom), baby

We were walking through Target yesterday when my heart started to hurt a little bit. Ugh. I couldn't stop myself. Christmas shopping took an ugly turn and the store isles just became too much to deal with. All the toys were going to fall off the shelves and crush me and my wallet and my plans for a joyous, not truly gift focused holiday.

And so I began to feel like something of a loser mom.

I went there with two things in mind: Find him a new Christmas book (I didn't) and get his piano toy cause I knew he would love it and this is how I knew:

A few weeks ago I went to a music shop/studio in walking distance of home thinking about how nice it will be in the future to walk him to lessons, to walk myself to lessons, to share my interest in learning music and playing instruments with him. Ok so that has nothing to do with how I knew but still. In Target not long after, I gave him a few different toys to play around with while we walked. He liked the piano most of all and then last Wednesday, he kinda made me feel like that short walk to lessons really could happen. Like if he continues to love his piano as much as he does now it might just be possible.

My friends own a piano. He constantly eyed it while we were visiting Wednesday, crawled over to it like any child would to the biggest thing in the room and so we let him play it. J doesn't have a long attention span. I think its even half of what a baby's attention span is. He's constantly moving but we got a video of him banging away for at least 5 minutes with every minute looking just as exciting to him as the first. He owns musical instruments but I guess its something about the piano that he likes beyond its newness.

Back to Target yesterday, I put the piano in his lap and he played with it. I searched the isles trying to figure out what else to get him, something inexpensive but still good. I wondered what my relatives would think if I stopped there with just one toy and they bought him more. How I would explain the little things and the lack of big things, the 12 days and making it all up for us. Torturing myself. I kept asking my mom and sisters what they thought and mom responded by taking the piano from his lap so I could watch Jett throw an immediate tantrum and pout. I let it go though it wasn't enough for me to just get one thing, realized that really and truly I can't afford it all, picked up some black and white trail mix (known as crack in our house lately) and went to the grocery store.

 (This is what shopping does to me at this time of year. It reminds me that I don't have enough, not nearly as much as I would like. That when he gets older, if money still isn't pouring in and chances are it wont be, that I may have to explain to him why he doesn't get as good as his friends and even his relatives do and our relatives do. As a kid, I remember deciding that I hated our holiday get together preferring our Christmas at home since I spent so much time watching my other cousins pass around tons of gifts that didn't have my name on any one of them. Our Christmas just has to be different and different is still good, right?)

While at the grocery store, I perused the Christmas isle. My holiday habit, drawn like a magnet. The greatest thing was spotting a toy I saw at Target for nearly 12 bucks and seeing it marked down to 8. Great but not in my price range till I remembered I had a $5.00 off coupon for Fisher Price! It didn't mean much in Target especially when I was looking at 30 dollar toys (aside from a loved 20 dollar toy) but in the grocery store, I couldn't pass up a three dollar buy. That I can afford.

 I mean really. I work in a dance studio and throw newspapers. I love my work, I even use my degree. I make enough to pay the bills most of the time, and I'm blessed to have all day at home but I don't have the extras that the holidays seem to be calling for right now as the big day approaches. I am blessed to get tips from customers (makes checking the mail a very happy event lately) but everything has to go somewhere before it can be spent on just anything. My first bunch of tips went towards a mortgage payment so my last check of the year can be spent in a more relaxed way and if I'm blessed with more, it will go towards our other needs and some smaller Christmas things. I hope he understands what I'm trying to do for us. I just want to ease it all a little bit.

12 days of Christmas might do it besides giving us reading time, teaching him about St Nick, and all the little wordly traditions. I give him 12 little things and one larger thing. (Side note below) I've given him 6 little things already with yesterday's being the little toy from the grocery store and today his first stocking that I made for him. He loves his toy more than I thought he would, even crawled to it first thing this morning so I feel like I did good with that. I have little PJs for Saturday that were handmedowns but have a gingerbread man on them, some baby legs to make for Friday, I bought him a holiday plate for one day, a little snowman straw cup from a dollar rack since he loves drinking from my straws and I can't remember what else but maybe a gift a day will give him something he can be proud of and can show his cousins when he gets older.  

I'm saving his piano for Sunday morning. I have no doubt he'll love that. He's ten months old, I have to remind myself. He's happy with nothing and the fact that he even shares my interest in pianos (or at least in being a noisemaker) is enough for me. It really is. I worry about how it all looks to outsiders and to him later but it will be enough for us. My mom and sisters get it. They like the idea. I can't buy my sister the Coldplay tickets she wants but I can take care of that library fine since she keeps forgetting to return her library books. I can take holiday photos for my older sister since she keeps talking about taking pictures. My mom is only getting one thing since she keeps talking about it so the three of us went in on her gift. Different can be good. 

First, tidbits:

All the holiday singing has paid off, I guess. We were walking around some store that I can't even remember and J started singing to We Wish You A Merry Christmas. High pitched, wailing and just loving it. He also likes Mariah Carrey singing Christmas music too. I like to push the little button in Target where the CDs are and watch his head spin around and him start to squeal and clap. 

J met Santa on Saturday and wasn't impressed. I took a photo that I'll upload soon. I have one more photo opportunity for him and maybe he'll react better. I went to one cause we were in that part of town but this next one is so his aunts can be there with him, if we get to make it there that is.

Last night, J became just a little bit more adventurous. His favorite song was being sung on Mnet so he stood up clapping and bouncing for a good while. He learned that you cannot throw your head back when you really don't have the greatest balance but it didn't stop him. He climbed onto the couch from standing when it used to take him standing on something else  to get there and he took a step towards me! Awesome! It's a matter of time now I'm being told. Once he gets something in his mind, he is all about it and walking may very well be in there!

So, the sidenote. 

  I think I'm lining my self up for a special holiday eye roll from a few choice relatives. For Christmas, M mentioned that our tradition looks similar to that of Hanukkah minus the meaning among other things due to the days of gifts. Latkes are not strangers in our house (cause they are just all around tasty) but of course neither is Jesus though I don't think I can raise J to really believe we're celebrating the birth of Jesus in the winter or the secret gift giving of a real Santa Clause. I think celebrating the conception sounds cooler (cooler may not be the best word here!) when you look at the length of days, Biblical meanings and all that. I do like Santa Clause and all the worldly versions of him but I wont take it very far. Mama gives gifts, family gives gifts. Santa is fun to play around with but of course that all wont go over well with the ones who either already think we're odd or still like to put from Santa on my gift.

When asked about only buying him one main Christmas gift, I'll reply with my thoughts on our 12 and this is what I'm sure to get in return:

....*eye roll* ....

and maybe something about making it hard on us, how odd we are, or something but at least I'm happy with us, right? Well  I am when I'm not reminded of my finances taking its sweet time to right itself. Generally, its a happy holiday season that I am thankful for and with that I'm off to check the mail in hopes that a few bonus checks are waiting there. 

Done!

*Typing on a Mac is just as much a headache (for this PC user) as trying to type a post from my mother's cell phone. My luck with electronics really need to change!*

Christmas cards are nearly ready thanks to a spark of determination I had yesterday.

 The other day, I couldn't get the lighting the way I wanted with the Christmas tree. You saw how those turned out in a previous post. Then there was a day where I missed the natural lighting altogether. My bedroom is only well lit at certain times but it lasts a while most days. Downstairs is another story. I can almost never catch the right light. Its best in the mornings so near two in the afternoon (when I'm ready to do something) its just about shot.  

The next day, upstairs, I couldn't get the Christmas lights to work with J being so active.

This is the effect I got with the best face I could get from him:

This is what I was going for. When J had just about had it with me and my camera, I practiced on non-moving items. My sister is using another pic like this but with a bell for her Christmas cards this year instead. Glad I could share :/ 

Yesterday we were heading out of town to sit with my family at the hospital. My aunt was in surgery but anyway before we left I tried again and finally got pictures I'm happy with. Took half an hour and  two other people to keep him occupied but I like them:

Such a busy picture!

I have to figure out how to edit them if at all (no computer), choose one to send or maybe print and send different ones to different people (????) and address my cards but that will be for tomorrow or Saturday. I'm just happy to finally have Christmas pictures taken and nearly sent out! 

I still haven't shopped for Christmas though. Yes, I am one of those people who walk around the mall on Christmas Eve looking frazzled and tired with a list of items I can't hunt down cause they're sold out.  

12 Days of Christmas

*Pardon the errors. I'm typing on the phone*

This Christmas is quickly becoming THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVAR (with an A cause its so rad) and we haven't even done anything yet. I am just loving all the newness.

J and I have our tradition started. I'm doing 12 days of Santa/Christmas related stuff. A quick rundown:
We have our advent calendar which starts at 12 days till. Its going to be filled with a teething cookie for each day. I'm late making them.

We have our 12 days of Christmas book to read along with a few different Christmas books to read at night. Not a few a night, one at night but a few different ones. On Christmas we'll read the story of Jesus' birth. I have some stuff on Santa from around the world that he may like when he's older. Totally starting it now. Maybe it will help him sleep.

The first day we write and send Christmas letters and he gets his. I think i'll send him one every year. I found a place that mails letters to santa in case he wants to send one there too.

On Christmas Eve, we'll spend the day baking like my mother did while istening to Christmas music and/ or watching Christmas movies. After we look at the light show, we'll get him into his PJs and give him his first presents (we exchange early as a family) read Twas The Night Before Christmas and get him to bed.

On Christmas morning, I have to watch the Rockettes and some of the parade. I'm filling his stocking and giving it to him right before we leave so he can have something in the car.

Well now that that's planned out we'll see if it happens. We tend to celebrate on our own a good bit anyway so I don't see why not. I want a gingerbread house too.

I forgot to mention the little events during those 12 days, decorating the house, songs, visiting Santa. Fun stuff. I'm a sucker for the holidays. I can see this holiday being one to top and it has everything to do with this adorable face he makes when we read at night. I'm looking forward to it!

Too Good To Be True

I knew it. Ovulating was great but to expect more than that would be too good to be true. I thought it could mean that things were lining up but instead I should have looked at it as its own little event and left it at that.

My period showed up yesterday a whole week early.

Really?

I started feeling very ill to the point of agitation, walking doubled over and not being able to think clearly enough to remove groceries from the car. I thought about my period to come in about two weeks and how that would surely be hell if I was feeling this bad already. No, I would only have to wait just a few hours to find out just how bad it was going to be. So, yes of course, my hormones are still out of whack and crazed. I knew that and this only confirms it. I'm just not very happy to have that bit of crazy staring me in the face.

The bright side is that it will be out of my system by next week which is when I take J to possibly meet my uncle/god father for the first time. My aunt is also having a major surgery so I'll spend a good bit of time in the hospital. With a period where nothing helps, not being able to get to bed and stay there is the worst thing possible. I'm so glad I wont have to deal with that then.

On this whole cycle thing, maybe next month it'll all come together. All the pieces to the puzzle are now present thanks to ovulation. Just need to line up in order!

Fun things!

I picked up J's stocking stuffers, a few little activities for when he's older and his Christmas card came in the mail today. I love it. I got to write it out and I actually think its cute and doesn't suck which is not my usual. For a first Christmas card, I think he would like it if he could actually read it. I'm so proud of it, so, sorry, but I want to post it.

Next year, I'm going to work it out so that we mail off our Christmas letters/cards and on the same day when we check the mail, his will be in there. You give some, you get some. Our Christmas traditions will be starting in just a few days on the 12th so I'll post them then. I'm almost ready for it.

I started working towards one version of our Christmas pictures. I'll be taking them tomorrow but I do have some random outtakes from yesterday.The holiday pictures have nothing to do with him holding the lights but since I was untangling them to put them on the tree, he decided to help and I stopped and took a few pictures.

My favorite one!

This last one is a little more of what I'm going for but with a different shirt and no flash.
Cute boy!

Chicken soup for this tired, sickly mama's soul

Sickly, not really. Ailing, maybe. I just have a small cough and stuffy nose again today not to mention that it's cold outside and J has been quite the clingy whiner all day. Teething I think. Looks like the top two aren't coming in as quietly as his last bottom tooth.

I left him with my mom instead of taking him out in the cold and went off to pay a bill, grocery shop and pick up my Christmas cards this morning (marked that off the list sooner than planned). I came back and spent the next 4 or 5 hours prepping and waiting on the soup. J loved it for dinner. He even tried eating it in his sleep. I finally had to just clean him off and put away the highchair. I bought double the ingredients so I can make it again and freeze it for later.

It's super easy to make, doesn't really require measurements but does take a long time. That's the beauty in it though. The longer the better. I got the recipe from a group of local mom's as a remedy when my voice went out right before Thanksgiving. It is awesome and customizable.

Here's how I make mine:

Ingredients:

Whole chicken
at least one chopped onion
lemon juice - between a tablespoon and a quarter cup
fresh ginger - I add a lot since its good for a cold but at least a tablespoon of it chopped
several cloves of garlic  also good for a cold and your throat
Thyme
a few chopped carrots
a couple celery stalks
enough corn to make you happy (at least an ear makes me happy)
salt and pepper to taste
large pot

Wash the chicken and remove the giblets packet. Add the chicken to the pot and cover it with cold water.

Add all of the ingredients and bring it to a boil. Once its to a boil, reduce to a simmer for at least an hour.

When the meat is falling off the bone, take it out of the pot carefully and set it aside in a colander over a bowl to catch the drippings. Keep the liquid simmering while the chicken cools. Take the chicken off the bones once cool and set the chicken aside. Return the bones to the pot of liquid. I use a double boiler pot thingy (lol) so the bones don't actually mix. You can just drain it later. Cook for at least another hour if not longer. This part depends on you. I've done it for four hours and for two hours. Both are very good it just depends on if you want all the bone and marrow which is good for you and yummy. If so, let it go longer. One mom lets it go 36 hours. I wish I could. Its sounds really good.

Remove the bones from the pot, cut the chicken into bite sized pieces and put into the liquid. If you don't want mushy veggies, cut some more and add them. I like my carrots mushy. It's also easier for J. Simmer 20 more minutes and then serve. I like mine over rice.

I may have a little more before work to warm me up before the drive there. Of course this is Texas and its not that cold but its cold enough to want warm insides and to be spoiled a little bit if you can call an extra bowl of soup being spoiled. Since I like soup, I do so yay!

Before that bowl though, I've got to get me and this boy in the bath and in the bed. It has been a long day and we both need some relaxation. 

Prep - A novel of a post

Christmas -

We're in full swing.

The Christmas tree is up. M and I hauled it in from the garage yesterday afternoon. J wasn't thrilled with it at first. Its artificial branches were scratchy and odd in his hands. I could tell by the way he kept shying away from then turning over the stray branches I gave him. It kept grabbing at my hair while I was trying to put the three pieces together. It took a couple hours but when we were done he seemed to like it. Every once in a while he'll crawl over to it and slowly reach his hand out to touch it. More than that, he's taken to picking the stray plastic needles off the carpet and eating them. I think he's really starting to like it and thank God I like vacuuming. I'm not big on scooping things out of J's mouth  but that comes with the territory, right?

Lights are soon to come both on the tree and on the house. Our first real Christmas in our house and with J. I want it to be big. The biggest task yet really. I'm on the hunt for the perfect lights. I've seen them but not where to find them. Christmas pictures no longer look like the big to do compared to the thought of the lights but those wont happen till the tree is lit since its one of the backdrops but they're going to be done soon. I have a trip to Hallmark planned for Christmas cards which wont be sent out till pictures are taken. The stocking holders are up and have been for a little while but Jett's stocking hasn't been made and mine hasn't been found from the garage. That needs to be done this week or next as well.

There's a few Christmas related sites to take J. The first picture with Santa, the baby friendly interactive first Christmas deal that I've never heard of but am so excited to go to, the Nutcracker both at the studio where I work and with the Houston Ballet. Christmas light show.

I think I've narrowed down all Christmas gifts except for one. This year we've pulled names in the family so I've got one person to focus on (besides J's godfather) which makes this gift buying thing super easy even though I've yet to start there.  I was able to list what I would like to get so no surprises there. I hate surprises. 

It's for him but I'd be lying if I didn't mention that its for us as well. It's been years since we've had a proper Christmas. Last year we had a relative die, the year before we had just moved in on the 22nd so the most we had were Christmas themed dish towels. Before that I think my mom tried to put it up but having lost her favorite house to the storm, the mood wasn't really joyous.

This year is new. We have so much we want to share with this wide eyed, plastic pine needle eating boy. I hope its at least one to remember and I for sure don't want to let it all pass me by.

And now that I've taken the time to remind myself of my Christmas to do list, I'll move on.

New baby -

As previously posted, I ovulated on the 2nd according to my test strip and my digital test. The surge was still showing up on the 3rd. I tested today to check and nothing is showing. I guess it was real. My fingers, my toes, my heart and everything else is crossed for next month and the next and the next. I've yet to brace myself for the period that's coming up in less than two week but with the excitement of my body working, I'm still on that high.

I didn't remember till yesterday that with the holiday comes holiday bonus. I have no clue how much it will be but I'm hoping for a good amount. I'd like to pay for J's Montessori tuition and maybe something for the new baby. Not any clothes or tiny trinkets or anything but more like donor vials, put storage fees to the side or even the cost of the full IUI.

Wouldn't that be great.

J is getting to be so adventurous that I'm not quite sure how I'll handle him at three. He is so into climbing things that really nothing is safe. He stands so well now that I catch him with his hands letting go and going up in the air when he's into a deep conversation with his grandmother or his aunts. Not much left to do but take steps!

 Operation no bed sharing only worked one night this week. The other nights, either my mom or K took J to their bed which helped me none. I got home to a sleeping baby who woke up as soon as he was back in our room. When he was left in his pen, he slept at least an hour longer. It would have been more had be not picked his head up and seen me move around. Tonight is another night.

As for me, I'm working through another cold. This one is not as bad as the first. I'm beginning to wonder when my immune system started to suck and how I can get over this quickly. Chicken soup is called for and was the best remedy during my last cold. My voice was coming back with one bowl but now I'm just hoping that it will give me much needed energy and will get rid of this stuffy/runny nose and drowsy feeling. It worked wonders really.

J and I camped out on the couch today. We alternated between naps, food, nursing, him playing on the floor and me getting through an audio book when he wasn't in my lap. I can imagine J's old moses basket lying near the couch with a new baby in it if I ever have to do this again with a crapped up system. It seems manageable.

We're heading to bed in just a few once he finishes his sippy and I'm done on the computer and done vacuuming his late dinner off the floor. Work is in less than 4 hours. Thank God its Tuesday, another easy day.

I have got to make some soup pronto!

Surprise!

I was standing at work at 3 this morning when my ovaries switched on.
I have no clue if they were 'on' before that but a switch was definitely flipped and boy did I feel it.
By the time I got home an hour and something later, my insides felt like they had done a hundred crunches without me.

I thought I had already done that, ovulate, since the last two months left me without my usual signs. Taking a guess, I went with an earlier period. I guessed wrong. I came home and pulled out a few tests from the back of my cabinet, I don't remember the tests taking so long before or giving me so much anxiety. The digital test took so long! I thought it was broken.

It might still be broken. The positives match with my ovary pains but I'll test again in about a week at a random time to check. The tests weren't new, in fact, I'm sure they're old. I went to the store to price a 30 count pack for the next few months since I have coupons but came home with nothing. It seemed too expensive (35-45 dollars!?!) for this month since I had no clue what was up. Still don't. I'll test before work this afternoon then again when I get home in the morning.

It would be great to suddenly be on track and start ovulating regularly again. My fear of not ovulating at all is almost alleviated. Almost. It would be nice to not have to worry about weaning J along with potty training and getting him ready for school in the next 8 months too. One less thing maybe? As with most things, time will tell.

For now, period tracker 2011/2012 continues.

Sleep Fail and Tid Bits

Putting J to sleep was great last night. We had our bath, our storytime, we rolled over and nursed and he was out in no time. I put him into the playpen since the crib isn't lowered and separated and he stayed asleep for a while. He woke up once before I left for work but was back down before long.

I got back from work to find him cuddled up with my sister. He was too comfortable. He had taken his pants off (my sister didn't even know he had any on when she grabbed him up) and was stretched out when I got him. I went ahead and changed his diaper and replaced his pants and it all was shot to hell from there.

There's no putting him back in the pen once he's out and awake or else he'll have too much of a fit and I'll spend too much time trying to put him to sleep. I brought him to our shared bed and found that he couldn't really nurse due to a stuffy nose. Believe it or not that came out of nowhere and I'm sure that's why he woke up in the night.

Needless to say, I'll be trying it again tonight. The new rule is that once he's back asleep after waking up for whatever reason, he has to be put back in the pen. He needs to get used to being in his own space. I'll be lowering the crib ASAP so he's used to that but me getting him and bringing him back up doesn't work. He smells me or something and just wants to nurse and cuddle and then he stays awake. If I can get him to stay asleep, I can come home, get some sleep and be ready for him when he's ready to be up.

What a work in progress.

Bits and Pieces

School

We had our Montessori appointment this morning. I still love it. I want to sign him up but need to make sure its an expense that will easily flow with our budget. Hard to do 8/9 months out especially when I'm hoping to change the job situation a little bit. I also need to make sure to get him working on going to the potty since they'll take my lead and help out. I don't take him like I want to right now. EC should be easier as his signs are easier to read and now that he's signing more (he does two signs now!). I just need to get my butt in gear.

I have one friend who is successful with EC with her 5 month old. I need to refresh and get going so I'm going to ask her tonight what more I can do besides watching his signs, teaching him the signs and the cues.

My sister doesn't like the idea of him going to school. My mother initially considered it a waste of money.  He'll be primarily unschooled/homeschooled but the few days out of the week will be awesome and since I'm the mama who has to pay for it, it is settled!

It will also live up to the image I had in my mind when I moved here childless. I have this little fantasy of walking my babe home from Montessori school since its not even two minutes away walking. We actually walk that way in the afternoons and the fantasy is alive and well.

Christmas

Since I'm not napping, I've started cleaning up the living room in prep for all the Christmas decor. My brain is at near spasm mode now that its December 1st and there isn't much time left to ready the Christmas cards/letters. This year I am definitely sending them out and I am not anywhere near being ready for that. My brain will explode if I keep thinking of how not prepared I am right now.

The Christmas tree is coming out tonight and if I can find and trade in the Christmas lights from last year I can start working on photos which is a big reason why my cards aren't together. No pictures to put in them!

Tests

I was looking at my ovulation tests and thought about getting a simple fertility test. That might be great. Then I started looking at my old preg tests which I for some reason still have. There's at least ten in varying shades of pregnant.  I've considered throwing them out since I have numerous pictures but I haven't yet. I remembered something I read before about being able to take apart the big blue digital tests that die after 24 hours so I did that. Pretty easy. I took pics for anyone newly pregnant who wants to keep the test strip once the casing becomes useless.

Clearblue Digital Test
flathead screwdriver

Before

I put the flathead into the largest opening in the back and once its came apart, I just continued popping the plastic lose along the sides.

There's the strip turned over on one side

This is the strip turned over. You can see the darker control line, the center line (the line that signals the 'pregnant' words-shows better in person) and then on the other side, there's another line. 

\My test is older, 18-ish months old, so that may be why its that darker brown color. I wont be keeping it but its interesting to see how the test still relies on the very basic test strip to show its digital results. Cool.

Back to cleaning and Christmas. Here's hoping I can get something done before the weekend ends!